Y’all parenting is HARD. One thing I’ve been struggling with these last two years is who I am as a mom. I went from a Biochemistry degree, a Master in Education, teaching high school and coaching cheerleading, to cleaning up poop and puke all day…
Before I go any further let me state for the record that I am NOT COMPLAINING about being a mom or where the Lord has led me!! I love my daughter and all those years I yearned for children are fresh in my mind. But, something just changes when you go from working all day, to staying home with your children. And I know a lot of moms feel that.
I am blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter and I know many moms who would love to do this and are just not able to so, again, I know that I am lucky.
There’s just something mind numbing about hanging out with your toddler all day…when it’s not your technical paid job that is. When I put my daughter to bed, I just want to stare at the ceiling and not think. I have no energy and my mind is gone.
My prayer lately each night has been, “Lord please let me see the joy in my life. Let me feel gladness and thankfulness.”
Really what it boils down to is, I’ve been struggling to find my identity in this season of life. Lately, all I have as a gauge to measure my successes are in parenting— and that just doesn’t seem to be going as I planned.
My mind replays everything I do wrong: “I don’t do enough educational activities, I don’t cook healthy enough meals, I’m evil because I want to scream my head off when my daughter is clinging to my leg 24/7!!”
I need to stop COMPARING. Stop looking at everyone else and just do life as best I can. I’ll never be good enough and I need to learn to be ok with that (something I have yet to accomplish ever in my life, but I will keep trying!)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Either way, as I’ve laid in bed crying the last few nights about how I just can’t seem to figure this whole parenting thing out, I am reminded that my identity is not found in my parenting. My self worth is not about what I do or what job I have, it is in Christ.
This season of life really is just a season that I know someday I will miss. I know the days seem long and the years are short, but I need a whole lotta Jesus. I need to know in my heart I can do this and it’s ok not to do it the way some book says.
So friend, if you’re like me and are just sitting there wondering if you’re doing anything right, you’re not alone. I feel ya more than I can say. If I didn’t have Liz to pick me up on these days I would be lost (hold tight to your girlfriends and seek friendships that support you as a momma).
I hope I can look past my identity as “mom” and see myself as something way more important, a daughter of Christ.
This post was more of any encouragement to myself, but hopefully it reminds some of you you’re not alone!